Mermaid Jokes

A choice selection of mermaid jokes for your enjoyment.

Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the
first fisherman said: "double my I.Q" so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting Shakespeare.
Then the second fisherman said: "triple my I.Q." and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started
doing math problems he didn't know existed. The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to
quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said "Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!" the
fisherman said "yes" so the mermaid turned him into a woman

What kind of bra does the  Mermaid wear?

(Here's a variation of the above mermaid joke.)
What does a mermaid wear to maths lessons?… An algae-bra

Where did the fisherman and mermaid meet?            
On line!

Do mermaids use knives and forks when they eat?
No, they use their fish fingers!

What did the sea say to the Little Mermaid?
Nothing, it just waved!

What has beautiful hair, a pretty face, two arms, a fish's tail, looks like a mermaid, but isn't a mermaid?
A photograph of a mermaid!

What is a mermaid's favorite song?
Salmon-chanted Evening!

Which part of a mermaid weighs the most?
The scales!

Why did the Little Mermaid look the other way?
Because the seaweed.

Why did the Little Mermaid ride a sea-horse?
Because she was playing water polo!

Why was the Little Mermaid embarrassed?
Because she saw the big ship's bottom!

So my brother is dating a mermaid.
-I thought there was something fishy about her...
-If that doesn't work out, there are plenty more fish in the sea..
-When she made him visit her hometown it took his breath away.
-I thought she looked Finnish

How does a mermaid call her friends?
On a shell phone.

Where does a mermaid sleep?
On a waterbed.

More mermaid jokes....

Where do mermaids see movies?
At the dive in.


Bud the golfer sets off on a round-the-world trip in his new boat, but he winds up veering off course and gets lost. He drifts onto a deserted island, where he is stranded, all alone. Months go by and there's no sign of rescue, and not even a soccer ball to keep him company. Then one day Bud sees a beautiful mermaid coming out of the surf, heading straight toward him. The mermaid stops two feet in front of Bud and asks him in sexy voice, "Would you like a drink?"

Bud doesn't have to think about his answer. "You bet!" he nearly shouts. The mermaid opens the vest she's wearing, reaches in and pulls out an ice-cold beer.

Then she asks, "Would you like a cigar?" And Bud quickly answers, "You bet!" The mermaid opens her vest even more and pulls out a big cigar, which Bud lights up immediately ith the lighter the mermaid also gives him.

The mermaid bats her eyes, opens her vest even more, and coos to Bud, "And would you like to play around?"

"Wow!" Bud says, "You've got golf clubs in there, too?"


Don't call me Ariel - my name is Helvetica!

Still more mermaid jokes....

This crab is so raw it's still singing "Under the Sea".

Reasons to be a mermaid: no period, no pants, perfect hair, you get to lure men to their death, and free clam bra.

If you don’t pretend you’re a mermaid when you’re in the bath then you’re lying

"What's the opposite of a mermaid?"
"A merman."
"No, it's a merbutler."

What do you call a lady who lives underwater, has a tail, and is really funny?
A mirth-maid.

What did the mermaid do last Saturday night? She went out with the tide.

Seal are just dog mermaids.

Signs you might be a mermaid: you drink like a fish, you play in the storm, you swim with sharks, and you live so deep life takes your breath away.

Little old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs don't fool me. I know that they are retired mermaids.

"I like the ocean," the mermaid said, "it's so current."

What fish can go to heaven without dying? The angelfish.

Who's there?
Kelp who?
Kelp me I'm drowning!

Whew! that's the end. I hope you enjoyed all, or at least some, of there mermaid jokes.

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